Lavender Extract

Ever since Suave ruined my life by discontinuing my "What kind of shampoo do you use!" hair products featuring the magical ingredient and no lilac, my life has screeched to a mediocre cruise of the slow lane. Yes, I am fucking serious. I am suffering and I blame Suave and their fear of ammonium xylenesulfonate. Ever since the shelves of the K-mart in Astor Place went dry, my mind has been seeped in confusion and my scalp desiccated. No longer driven or dedicated to my former career goals, I wander the earth searching for a new scent. I drive up to new age shops and peruse their hippie aromatheraputics; I Google "Suave Naturals Lavender extract" and consider overpaying for products that have long past their recommended shelf lives. Once a promising young lady with luscious lavender locks, now I fall asleep every night with the unfortunate knowledge that no one is going to demand to know what I am washing my hair with anytime soon, and it hurts. Suave polluted my hair fragrance with lilac and the days drag like a four course meal with no seasoning, like a trip to Amoeba with only a dollar and thirty cents in your pocket.